Day One – Volga

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March 15 at 12:19pm

Hi December,

I was reading your blog and my stomach fell when I read about your long distance relationship with Volga. I don’t know if you are still seeing each other, but I thought you should know that I have also been in a relationship with him since July 06, til today i guess. I guess there was a lot of lying involved to both of us.

I don’t mean to cause trouble but I am sickened that this happened and would want someone to tell me the same.

Nadia

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December Foster
March 15 at 12:24pm
Nadia what are you talking about – me and Volga live together in Penticton and have for the past year.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 12:25pm
Oh im sorry! this is not Volga Mermut?

December Foster
March 15 at 12:28pm
Is this some kind of joke – because I have been with Volga for three years, and we have lived together for almost two years actually.  We have 2 dogs and 8 cats and are renovating a house here.
I saw a picture of you and him together on your Facebook once and when I asked him about it he told me he knew you from the race track and he said he called you and asked you to change the photograph because it was upsetting me.  If you are trying to cause problems, that’s not very nice.

December Foster
March 15 at 12:29pm
Yes of course it is Volga Mermut – look at my photos.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 12:31pm
No I am not trying to cause problems.  I am shaking as I write this.  I can’t believe this is happening.  I also asked him about you and he got so defensive.  I didn’t want to believe it.  But now i have the proof.

He is a lying cheating piece of shit.  I am so sorry.  We have been in a relationship for almost 3 years.   I always wondered why we had to use condoms.  Now I know.  I was the whore.  How could he have done this?!?!

December Foster
March 15 at 12:31pm
I have an engagement ring on my finger though.
wtf

December Foster
March 15 at 12:31pm
This has happened to me before.

December Foster
March 15 at 12:32pm
So how often do you see him?  He goes to Van to work on the condo from time to time, do you see him then?

December Foster
March 15 at 12:32pm
When is the last time you saw him?

December Foster
March 15 at 12:36pm
Please answer me omg.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 12:38pm
I saw him a couple weeks ago maybe, I don’t get to see him very often, maybe every couple of weeks.  He says his company is going through hard times and he has to work like crazy.  I can’t believe I felt anything for him.  I should have listened to my gut.  I want to hurt him so bad right now.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 12:40pm
Well that’s three wasted years of my life.  Better than being the whore any longer I suppose.  I never really did trust him, but this, this is too much for me.  What kind of human being is so deceitful?!?!

December Foster
March 15 at 12:41pm
I don’t know….

December Foster
March 15 at 12:43pm
I honestly don’t know what makes sense now.

December Foster
March 15 at 12:43pm
I mean, we live together, we’re reno’ing a house together, he’s best friends with my entire family…… we have pets… omg i have to face the truth now too……………

December Foster
March 15 at 12:44pm
I can’t get a hold of him cuz he’s playing soccer FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I can’t believe this Nadia I really can’t.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 12:46pm
I am so sorry I feel like everything is falling apart but i don’t even have a life with him.  He met my parents and loved them but was always nervous to come over.  I just can’t imagine how you are feeling and I’m sorry this is happening.  But if you want him, you can have him, I will not be in contact with him.

December Foster
March 15 at 12:48pm

I have lived on this earth long enough to know I don’t want a fucking cheating bastard – I’ve had those and I hate them.

Funny – yesterday I prayed for a sign of what i was supposed to do – a CLEAR – NO ROOM FOR DEBATE – SIGN because I have been feeling uneasy and confused but with no real evidence and FUCK – be careful what you wish for lol – this is some fucking sign omg.

December Foster
March 15 at 12:50pm
Well he’s in Vancouver right now if you must know – working on the condo and some other stuff.  Boy isn’t he going to be surprised when I tell him he cant come back – maybe I should sell his racebike lol.  Maybe I sound flippant – but this is INSANE I think I’m in shock.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 12:59pm
I’m in shock too!  I am in total shock.  I wish you were in Vancouver and we could confront him together.  I hope he burns in hell, he talks such LIES!!!
If you ever need anything from me I am happy to help.  He is ignoring all my messages now.  I left a couple angry yelling messages on his voicemail.

Yes sell his trackbike!  The one he was going to let me use this year!

I am in total shock too.

December Foster
March 15 at 1:03pm
No hes not ignoring he’s playing soccer.  I’ve been calling a million times as well, so i guess as soon as soccer is over he will be putting 2 and 2 together.  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

December Foster
March 15 at 1:12pm
So does everyone at the racetrack know you were together then?  Because I have a lot of friends at the racetrack and nobody told me anything.  Oliver, Misty, Amber…….

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 1:16pm
No not everyone at the racetrack, I didn’t know that many people.  But definitely some.  Jason, his race partner, Andrea I’m pretty sure…. I am just thinking about that too.  How many of his friends that I knew, knew the story but never told me.  Gary Taylor, Steve, Rob…. I always wondered why I never met any female friends!

December Foster
March 15 at 1:25pm
Omg Gary knows?  This is so fucked up.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 1:37pm
Yes, Gary would come out to dinner with us so often!  WFT!!!!  Are all guys just naturally DOGS?!  Have you heard from him yet?  I am going crazy, maybe he has nothing to say to me and will just end things like a coward.

December Foster
March 15 at 1:43pm
No he’s scared to call I’m sure – he must be some kind of sociopath or something – like, how can a person live two separate lives?
You know – i always joked with him that he had a wife and kids somewhere.

You know we were trying to have a baby after two very devastating miscarriages????  FUCK

Do you know if its possible to sell a racebike without the deed?  Does it require a deed???

December Foster
March 15 at 1:43pm
Gary has come here and stayed at our HOUSE.  What the fuck is wrong with these people??????

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 1:49pm
Omg it just is so much.  I always joked with him about having a wife and kids too.  Right from the start.  He loved that!  He loved to torture me!!!  What is wrong with him?!?!  What is wrong with me for not listening to my gut?!  I found a card from you once and that is the moment I should have been true to my instinct.  2.5 years ago.  Amazing what sheer wanting to believe differently can do.

You were trying to have a baby?  He told me once that he had a miscarriage.  I hope he loses his testicles.

I don’t know about selling it, but you are a better woman than me.  I would be torching that thing for sure, with every last thing he ever gave me.  I think there’s a site for selling jewelery from douchebag exes.  I am going to look that up right now.

December Foster
March 15 at 1:53pm
Would you lol.  And you know what – I found a lovey dovey card in his condo once too – about 2.5 years ago.  Maybe we found the same one.  Omg

Was it a Valentines card and did it say something vague like FROM YOU KNOW WHO or something?

December Foster
March 15 at 1:54pm
Omg Nadia he must be seriously insane – like for REAL.  He played the same game of torture with me all the time.  But once when I broke up with him, he curled up into a ball literally and cried for hours.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 1:59pm
I don’t understand either!!!  He must be deeply fucked up.  He would get so insanely upset when i wanted to end things too.  But he had a marriage!!!  He was just toying with my life!  How does he come across as such a kind caring person??  He is very messed up.

I am so sorry that this will impact your life as much as it has.  But it is a small comfort to know he has lost everything.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 2:01pm
Re. the card, it was a Valentines card, saying that person will always be in love with him, but I’m sure it was signed “Dee” or “D”, which I immediately knew was you from Googling his name and seeing pics of you two together.  He would get mad at me for doing that.  No shit!

December Foster
March 15 at 2:03pm
Ican’t help but feel sorry for him.  He really has lost everything – you have no idea how much he loves my dog London. Why do i feel sorry for him????????????  Because that’s the way I am I guess.  I am SO SHOCKED that he had a girlfriend all this time.  And he used the same jokes on us and the same lies and were were having a very parallel experience in many ways….. wow.  I see one of your pics where he had the handlebar moustache and i know exactly when that was.  Omg this is too much.  I can’t believe i don’t hate you either – it’s so weird.

I think I always knew something wasn’t right in my gut – which is probably why i always felt so unsettled and confused… I mean, he’s an unusual dude that for sure…. GAWD.  GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD

Well I’m sorry for you too.  I know all too well the pain of heartache.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 2:10pm
I feel amazingly calm right now.  It wouldn’t make sense to hate each other, we were the ‘victims’ of his lies.  I would never ever try to take another woman’s man.  Maybe cheating isn’t so rare, but the entire web of deceit is something to behold.  Maybe that’s why we don’t hate each other, because we know the shock of it all.

He’s a charmer.  I am never going to fall for one of those again.  I could kind of see it if he got drunk and would start flirting with my friends, looking at them with those eyes I thought were reserved for me.  I think i am going to do a bit of counseling, make sure I don’t lose my faith in humanity!!!

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 3:06pm
Thanks for the friend request.  I honestly think the only reason I feel okay now is our communication.  And my boyfriend before this latest sham of a relationship also cheated on me.  So I am trying not to internalize it either- there are A LOT of shitheads out there!  Hopefully that was the last one either of us ever have to encounter.

Nadia

December Foster
March 15 at 3:11pm
Ya I have been cheated on and lied to before as well…. so i know how it goes.  This is different than the past ones though – he had my whole family fooled, I mean, he was a PART of the family like you wouldn’t believe.  It’s so trippy – my mom just came by and she and my dad are in absolute SHOCK – my dad cant actually believe it.  For real.

What I’m getting at is: ya I wouldn’t internalize it….. because it wasn’t just you that was fooled – it was an entire FAMILY and me and all my friends who all adore Volga and think he is the most amazing man I could ever find – no-one could believe how much he loved me and how much he doted on me – I mean this man did EVERYTHING for me….. there was no end to it.

Which is also why it is so hard to believe that this is happening.  UN REAL.  My mom is devastated.  So sad.  But don’t feel like a fool – the more I think about the little details, the more I come to realize he really must be insane.

December Foster
March 15 at 3:38pm
Sorry I’m really not trying to hurt your feelings by telling you about our relationship – I am in complete and utter shock and disbelief.
I appreciate you talking to me though – super weird that we are discussing this, like really weird – and so grown up lol.

Feel free to talk to me anytime.  Maybe we will be each others’ therapy through this insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane time.

Gawd I just re-read that and it sounds so….. cold and unfeeling, when I really feel totally torn up and FUCKED up inside….

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 4:11pm
Hahahaha it is super weird but great!  I just had a wonderful phone call with my friend who teaches meditation, and she framed it in such a wonderful way: this is a day to celebrate, this is part of your liberation!  The is the Maya (illusion) that can appear so real, and yet is nothing more than a lie.  That is not to say he didn’t really love you or me, but it just wans’t respectful (the biggest understatement of the year!)

So bizarre to have been the mistress!  I must have been doing a lot of projecting onto him in order to see what I wanted in him.  Although I demanded to know if I was ‘the one’ and all that.  So crazy.

He is definitely not going to contact me again!  That’s fine.  Well now i can go back to a cheap phone plan ahhhhhhhhhhh.

It definitely doesn’t hurt my feelings to hear about you guys.  I mean, my stomach sank when I saw certain photos, but that’s the normal response.  I feel ready to start life anew!  But I’m sure it will be a cycle of up and down for awhile, so I appreciate the offer to talk.

December Foster
March 15 at 4:23pm
The gravity of this is just starting to sink in – how can we know a person so intimately, so deeply for so LONG, only to have it be revealed that they are not the person we thought they were?

And since we don’t actually know them, what else are they capable of?  We think we know, but we do not.  Jerry Springer here I come???

My head feels like it is going to explode.

December Foster
March 15 at 4:25pm
It’s so weird to think that while I was at work during the day, he was on the phone with you… and every time he came home from Vancouver he was coming home from you.  So weird.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 4:53pm
I just wrote a final farewell email to him.  And not a kindly one either.
Basically questioning how could he smash the hearts of two women that loved him with all their hearts?  I’m sure he will be a mess from all of this.  When you do talk to him, would you tell me what he says, if anything, to explain all this?  I am so confused.

December Foster
March 15 at 4:55pm
Sure I’ll let you know when i hear from him… and I will hear from him because I have all his stuff, his bike, his computers, his engineer graduation documentation, its all here.  Fuck I don’t want to see him but it seems I have no choice.  How could he POSSIBLY explain his behavior – he couldn’t possibly.  That must have felt good to write him a letter.  I’m sure I’ll write mine too sometime.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 5:06pm
Thanks, I appreciate that.  I am going to go have a drink now, and see how I feel in a few hours.  Unfuckingreal.
It’s so weird all this just happened in a few hours, well the realization i guess.  If only we could understand what is going on in his head.
At least we have a good supportive network of friends, and ironically each other right now.  I don’t have the guts to post it on my Facebook and yet at the same time I feel like making a website about it LOL.
Later, Nadia

December Foster
March 15 at 5:15pm
Well I always go full hog lol – I cant help myself, and I knew if i changed my relationship status I’d get a million questions so i just went for it.
So one more question before you go get smashed (and me too lol) how did you find my blog in the first place?  Was it my DecemberPussycat.com site?  What were you doing there?

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 5:33pm
Honestly I was doing my detective work.  My instinct wouldn’t shut up so I followed Gary’s link to Nikki’s pictures, where I saw the Victoria pics from recently and pretty much knew it was all over then.
But I Googled your name and who knew that your blog would answer everything for me?  In this day of instant information, how did he think he keep up the lies?
Sorry if you feel like I was snooping but I suppose I was!  I needed to get to the bottom once and for all.
I just told my dad, (who ironically, Volga loved but was always nervous to talk to because he is a psychiatrist!! ) who said it sounds like the mind of a psychopath, not caring who he hurts.

December Foster
March 15 at 5:38pm
Yes I think he is a sociopath or psychopath for real – for me there is no other explanation.  My youngest brother is researching psychopathy and sociopathy and he fits the profile – although i don’t think he would ever kill anyone, but then, I really don’t know him, do I?

I’m glad you did your detective work.  For that two day window when I discovered he had a Facebook page when he told me he hated Facebook (now i know why) and I saw your profile pic with him on it I did a lot of sleuthing too but couldn’t find anything concrete.  So thank you for ending my constant cycle of knowing in my gut and wondering if I’m losing it or what.  I only hope I can recover from the psychological damage that this is surely doing to me.

Honestly I don’t know how he thought he would ever get away with it, what with Facebook and all.  Thank goodness I like to post any and everything on the web.

Do you really think he doesn’t CARE who he hurts?  It’s so possible, but knowing him and how giving and kind he is so HARD TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh what other explanation could there be??????????????????????????????

December Foster
March 15 at 5:39pm
So what DID he tell you to get you to change your profile pic?  Cuz after I bugged him about how weird it was that some chick had his pic up, he SAID he called you (his acquaintance) and asked you to remove it cuz it was “upsetting the girlfriend”.  What did he really tell you???  Cuz it was changed right after that so called phone call.

December Foster
March 15 at 5:41pm
Fuck I’ve been living with a fucking psychopath for the past 2 years.  OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG my life just gets weirder and weirder!!!!  I HAVE to get my book written omg V gets his very own chapter now!!

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 6:55pm
Sorry tried to write earlier from my phone but lost the message.  I can’t wrap my head around it either except that he DIDN’T care, if he cared he would have let me go to find a better boyfriend.

As for that profile pic, he went ape shit about that, saying his work buddies we’re flashing it up during a meeting with clients.  I was SO apologetic, it was just another sign.

I can’t believe he hasn’t called yet, well I better get over that shock.  If he didn’t care this whole time, why should he care now.  Spineless sack of shit.

Only a psychopath could put years like this into a lie.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:02pm
It must be true.  I heard you talked to Nikki lol.  She’s a doll.  I used to care for her as a job, for three years, so she thinks of Volga as a dear friend too, which I’m sure she’s told you.

I haven’t heard anything yet either.  He knows his life is fucked now – he’s probably FREAKING OUT – especially since he knows I have all his shit here.

You know – that profile pic fiasco is freaking me out – every little thing that came out of his mouth was lies – lies lies lies. Where do the lies end and the truths begin????????

December Foster
March 15 at 7:07pm
I just saw him go offline on MSN so he’s probably at home now.  Fucking coward… how long will he hide from you and me?

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 7:22pm
Call me naive but I’m amazed he’s being such a coward!!! I hope he’s freaking out!!!  Yeah why did he even go on Facebook to begin with, play with fire like that?  Did he want to get caught??  Just hard to imagine.

Who is that man?  I regret all the things I ever said to him.  All the love I wasted on him!  And his friends!  They should also have their balls cut off!

I guess i am right into the anger stage, how are you doing?  Lol.

Yes it is freaking me out too, everything he said was lies.  Nothing was real.  It’s freaking me out that I bought it all!  He said I was ‘the one’.  What kind of garbage is that?!  I’m really tempted to write to his family.  Even my dad thought that would be a good idea, although I’ve held off for now because maybe it is crossing a line?  I’ve got his dad’s email address.  Did you ever meet them?  You can write if you want to.  You were the fiancee!!!  I’m sure they would love to hear from the mistress lol.

It’s weird that he was drawn to such extraordinarily kind women (although i am not feeling my most kind right now hahaha) and tainted us with his heartless cruelty.  Is he some kind of evil?  Maybe I am getting melodramatic, but it’s the easiest way for me to understand this mess!

December Foster
March 15 at 7:36pm

You know – one of the weirdest things about our relationship was that, in three years, even though we were living together and engaged and trying to make babies, he never introduced me to his family.

It was weird but i accepted it for the first two years, then it started getting TOO weird, and he had a huge fight with his family, the reason for which im sure was a LIE TOO and they did not speak for like eight months, until this past Christmas when I made him go home and make amends.

Anyways, this past summer when Volga was turning 40, I emailed his parents and his sister several months prior and invited them to come here and surprise him for his 40th, and not one of them ever replied to me.  Can you believe it????? (fucking Gary  came though and stayed at my house.)

V has no way of explaining this phenomenon to me either.  Maybe his whole family is psychotic.

So you can write to them all you want, but I don’t think it will matter one bit although the idea did cross my mind at one point too.  I think they might all be fucked.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:37pm
And yes it is weird that he was drawn to both of us – we are obviously both really good people…. but not easily tricked either I don’t think.

So strange………..

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 7:38pm
Do you think I should drive to his place?  Confront him?

December Foster
March 15 at 7:38pm
And p.s. I haven’t reached the anger stage yet I don’t think – I’m still stuck in disbelief and shock.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:39pm
But I HAVE put all his clothes in bags and thrown them outside under the carport.  Now I have my second closet back so I hung all my purses in there! woo wee!

I also wrote him an email… a real gooder.  Not that it matters….

December Foster
March 15 at 7:39pm
I also told him if he comes here unannounced, without speaking to me first, I or one of the neighbors will call the police – so eventually he will HAVE to call me.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:40pm
That’s entirely up to you.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:41pm
Maybe I should drive up there tomorrow and we can do it together
Wouldn’t THAT be something.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:42pm
No I don’t think I have the energy for that actually…

December Foster
March 15 at 7:46pm
Isn’t it so weird that we’re both sitting here, waiting for him to call, like THAT’S going to change ANYTHING.  It’s just hard to hear nothing, isn’t it?
Oh well, at least we have each other – we are the only people on the world who know exactly what each other is talking about.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 7:47pm
I know I figure if I do go, he just wont answer the door.  But I could cause a scene yelling all that stuff so all his neighbors will hear.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:47pm
Lol you are my kinda gal lol.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:49pm
Lol we should show up there together, look like we’re going to yell at him, then start making out with each OTHER, then stab him in the face and run away.  You know – really mind-fuck him the way he has mind fucked us lol.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 7:51pm
It is so hard hearing nothing.  I have totally given up on ever hearing from him again.  Which is fine.  I don’t actually have to go have a scene to feel better or a sense of closure, but i just want to make him SQUIRM.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 7:53pm
Well I would do that plan!  Mind fuck him the worst way possible!  And cut his dick off!!!

December Foster
March 15 at 7:53pm

LOL YAY!

December Foster
March 15 at 7:54pm
I’m exhausted.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 7:56pm
Me too!  I’m going to take a half a sleeping pill tonight and have a good sleep.  Fuck the bastards of the world.  We are obviously strong women, and are better off without him.

Take care, talk soon.

December Foster
March 15 at 7:58pm
You too, stay well.
D

December Foster
March 15 at 9:47pm
He’s the most handsome man I have ever met you know – that makes it extra hard.  It hurts to look at him.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 9:50pm
Fuck i know.  I KNOW.  I am trying to see him as all slimy charm now, hope that will help the process.

December Foster
March 15 at 9:51pm
Ya.  It’s really hard though.   I’m so sad.

Nadia Slakov
March 15 at 9:54pm
Thank God it came about before the wedding…. it’s good to be sad, shows your kind heart.  I am waaaaay into anger mode, no pity.  Sadness will keep your heart soft and open and fully alive.

December Foster
March 15 at 9:55pm
Thank you.